10. TAR BALL

Dress all in black, paint all your skin black, paint your tongue black, paint your eyeballs black. You’re a tar ball!

9. HIPPIE

Just wear clothes that you have, but should never wear together… buy a big, big bag of mushrooms. Free love!

8. MIA

Something ethnic, something neon, something gold… get to the party late, stay for 45 seconds, complain about the sound system, then leave.  Tweet about the cops shutting it down.

7. BEDBUG

Nothing is sexier than bedbugs… NOTHING!
But seriously, if you go as a bed bug, you may just get some weird slizz hanging off you like, “Wanna infest my bed?”  Girls get loose on Halloween!

6. SNOOKI

Scary!  For this costume, just be fat, drunk and ugly.  You’re Snooki!  Maybe someone will punch you in the face.

5. ANGELA WASSELMAN

Who?  That crazy bitch from that mockumentary Catfish.  Wear a hundred name tags and hold a cellphone in each hand.   For bonus points carry a laptop and canvas.  No one knows who you are?  That’s the effin point!

4. BIG FREEDIA

Microphone?  Check.  Big, bouncy ass?  Check.  Gay Swagger like Mick Jagger?  You wish!  Sorry, you can’t be Big Freedia.  Sorry!

3. KEYBOARD CAT

You fuckin’ hipster.  You would go as Keyboard Cat.
Although, you are guaranteed to get laid if you go as Keyboard Cat.  Guaranteed, you fuckin’ hipster.

2. CHILEAN MINER

That’s my costume!  If only I spoke Chilean… hahahahhaha!

And the number one Halloween costume for 2010…

1. Monkey Face-Fucking a Frog!

Get yourself a monkey suit already!  You’ve wanted one for years.  Monkey suit + rubber frog on your dick = BEST COSTUME EVER!

Thanks for listening! I feel much better now.