World’s Largest Thunderdome.
Last night’s Super Bowl made me proud to be American. Yeah, I said it.
Sure, the Super Bowl can be seen as the grossest display of American humvee-style bravado, complete with overeating, over drinking and over spending but last night I was genuinely proud to be American.
I was proud to be an American for these five reasons…
5) Lil Wayne is the Poet Laureate of our generation.
Green and Yellow, Green and Yellow, Green and Yellow, Green and Yellow!
Even the dudes at my corner deli were singing this song today.
4) Pinheads and Patriots!
What is America? America is a mixed race, black-skinned President interviewed by a flabby, blotchy FOX News pundit live on national television an hour before a football game that commands $2.8 million for 30 seconds of advertising time. Believe that.
What’s FIFA got on that, huh?
3) Christina Aguilera screws up The National Anthem — we let it slide.
The girl has some pipes. And she’s one of the few who have made sluts of themselves and still gets to rock a blazer and sing The National Anthem at the goddamn Superbowl!
She messed up the lyrics – so what? You didn’t even notice, asshole.
2) Fans done wrong, get done right (or at least get paid).
Talking about American over-indulgence… With a goal to beat the attendance record set in Super Bowl XIV (103,985), Dallas Cowboys owner/general manager Jerry Jones tried to slip in a few extra seats at the Dallas Thunderdome. Unfortunately, during the Fire Marshall’s game day inspection those 1,250 extra seats were deemed “unsafe”. Oops! But we already sold tickets to those 1,250 danger seats!
For their credit, the NFL did find alternate seating (mostly in the stadium’s basement bars with no view of the field) for 850 of the 1,250 seatless fans, whom I like to call “losers”. But the other 400 seatless fans who paid upwards of $800 for tickets were turned away. One Texas native and lifetime Cowboys fan said of the situation, “Them bastards just shit out of luck!”
But for me that’s not the case at all. I call those 400 seatless bastard fans: “winners”.
The NFL is apologizing to those “winners” for its greed. The fans not only get tickets to next year’s Superbowl, but also triple the face value of their 2011 tickets ($2,400), not to mention a bunch of food vouchers and cheap swag. Not bad. Pretty good actually, if you’re a Steelers fan.
1) If Eminem can get clean and sober, so can Detroit, so can auto manufacturers and so can the rest of America!
These days we’re drunk on power, sure. But there was a time when our innovation, our ambition, the American dream… that shit was real. Capitalism wasn’t evil. The USA was respected as a world leader. Patriotism didn’t mean you’re either with us or against us. And cars were a point of pride. Yes indeed, even the now ghostly Motor City was once a thriving metropolis full of promise. And I tell you what. If Detroit is making a comeback, then all of this great nation is making a well-needed comeback.
Accredited with paying for the most expensive commercial ever, Chrysler boss Sergio Marchionne would only say that the company spent less than $9 million for the airtime. The airtime.
Widen + Kennedy of Portland, Oregon produced the spot, read: got paid.
Best commercial ever.
Second best goes to that Darth Vader kid.
National Pride: Imported from Detroit.